Silence

There is nothing quite like the tranquillity and relaxation of silence. I am not really a city person and i enjoy my quiet nights and weekends when noone is home. The sounds of only nature is truely amazing and soothing and something i dont think i cherish enough :)

I guess its the little things like these in life that make it somewhat bearable after all the routine and boring predictabilities we have to go through. And honestly i see nothing wrong with wanting to sit in a room by yourself listening to music or the silence and chatting on the computer. The is not much else i would rather do that i am capable of doing and i guess thats why im so slack when it comes to doing anything else.

So really, listen to the silence and cherish the small things in life, it's really is uplifting and peaceful. So lets get down to earth and spend some time in silence, its good for the soul :)

grr

Talk to me

Loneliness

I agree that fear and love are the most powerful motivators in this world, and thats why i think the fear of losing someone you love is the worst feeling in the world. There is nothing worse then everything being alright in the world when all of a sudden something goes wrong and that feeling comes, the fear of losing someone you love. At that point I at least will be willing to ignore anything to get rid of that fear, to grasp onto that love as long as i can.

I am not good at losing things that i want either, so when it comes to something that large in my life ill try anything including ignoring mistakes, which is terrible because they always resurface. So thats where i am faced with the problem of Loneliness vs. a shitty relationship (yes i have somehow rolled into relationships).\

Normally, I am ok with loneliness its just the fear of not knowing that comes with the loneliness, I am really the person who needs to know everything, and not knowing if i will or will not find someone better scares me, you never know if the girl that was perfect for you was the girl you just let go and thats another reason why I cant let go of people.

In the end I think there is always someone around the corner to love just as much or more no matter what, someone else that will make you feel the same or better.Anyway I believe you leave the relationship with more experience and come out a better person for that time you meet the one you will spend your life with ;)

So its best to let go, as hard as it is and its definitely something i need to work on.

Embrace Pain

Its good that pain is so horrible in a way

It helps us learn from our mistakes

It makes us a better person

Selfishness is a Virtue

Now i hear myself say this way too much implicitly and thinking it way too much, so im just going to say it explicitly. Being selfish is pounded into our brains from when we are young that its immoral and inconsiderate, which from my point of view, is a load of shit. first of all i will state that i dont believe that selfishness in every way is good and sometimes can be bad, but generally and more often then not i think its healthy, rational and wise which is what we all aim to be right?

So lets say you are in the supermarket to pick up some crackers (i like crackers) and you notice there is one box left oh noes. You somehow supernaturally know that the lady approaching the cracker box also wants the box, what do you do. do you take the box for yourself or let the lady have it, you can get the crackers another time. Well I say snatch that box, yes that would be deemed selfish (at a low level ). you are living your life for yourself and noone else, you will enjoy those crackers as much as the lady will, so improve your life at the cost of others.

Being selfish is not all me talk, it can be also quite considerate from a broad perspective. I personally like to listen to peoples problems because im nosey and all that, but not only that because i get enjoyment knowing someone is leaving the conversation with me better off then they were when they started the conversation with me. now i wouldnt listen to the problems or try and help if i didnt want to, which means my selfishness is leading to the improvement of life of others as well as my own, and i dont see whats wrong wiith that

Sure these points  and examples are trivial, but they do apply to better examples that i cant think of right now, just the other day i found myself telling my friend to stop thinking about what other people think and to start acting over their own interests. which pretty much says, start being selfish. What i am really trying to say here is fight for what you want, and dont let anyone get in the way what you want and if they do dont be afraid to plow through them, to get what you deserve :)

Thats my failure of an attempt of a rant about pricks who judge people and claim they are being selfish, its people like them who discourage creativity and outside the box thinking in this world and if i could punch them through my screen right now i would :)

4 am

After spending all day procrastinating my uni work to play video games and chat with friends i am sitting here with noone online, (except my friend who for some randomly stopped talking to me which makes me want to punch something) I started to think how crap uni is and life is boring, and searched google to only find people saying. live in the now and not to your expectations, do what you want to do at the moment and to be honest, i already live like that and really isnt working for me. So here i am, looking for something to do on this lonely night attempting to write (i was never any good at english) but i think its good for me getting my thoughts down on paper

So its 4am and i have just been thinking to myself how dull and unexciting life really is. how we a born into a world, go into education so we can get a job, get a job so we can support a family then die and have your children do the same and how really depressing that sounds, im not unhappy by any means. I like my life and i think im very fortunate with what i have, but i cant help but be bored of everything.

Now im not being emo but really, why do we live to only die, sure you can say go out there and make it worthwhile and i probably will do that once i finish my degree. but i have tried going out to town with friends, toking it up with some of my friends, getting drunk and throwing up on peoples curtains and carpet, knitting a booty for my imaginary baby etc. etc. and i am yet to find something that really takes me in. so really i guess the real question is what is fun and what is exciting now in this world, or what is my place. I have always wanted to travel and was going to last year in december before my plans were stopped due to some unforeseen problem created by my idiocy but regardless i am going to struggle to travel until i finish my degree which means 3 long years of boredom ahead.

I was talking to my friend Simon a few hours ago and he is a lot like me in the way his personality is in many ways, and he agrees. We went on to talk about a few things like, if we won lotto which is 27 mil atm, and how it would mean we could finally just drop everything and do whatever we want whenever we want. but i still ask, would that be enough to bring excitement to life or is it something else that brings excitement? one idea was, maybe we can live our own little island, just give us a computer and supplies to live, and we will be sweet, just going wherever the day takes us with no obligations.

I guess at the end of the day it doesnt really matter considering its a unrealistic circumstance but it makes me wonder. im quite a stubborn person and do what i want to do when i feel like it. i dont want to do my report because i dont like writing reports, but its also because writing reports are boring, so i go off to do something else, which is also boring. and i dont think money would change that much. so it brings me back to the question, how do i get out of this rut of being bored in life.

i have this idea that maybe once i finish my degree i can move overseas and live in Germany or America and the change of scenery will be a more enjoyable and idea of being somewhere which is unfamiliar seems somewhat exciting. but will it make things better? the only way ill know is if i try, i guess the real question is, are the girls hotter? because sex is everything right? ok no not really, but still that is a important question ;)

Now that i have written this i realise that i am probably a horribly boring writer and ill read over my writing and fall asleep, maybe i can find some pretty pictures so atleast then it will look awesome. and besides putting pretty pictures on means i spend less time doing uni work! which is what is important at the end of the day.