Chocolate Time

Oooohhh man, I'm getting dead sick of these 1 hour train rides followed by a 20 minute walk to university, problem is is that it's impossible to find a place to live here, it's like barren of all habitable locations. I guess the good thing about the train rides is I get to think a lot, thinking is good. Its amazing what you can learn and figure out just from thinking, I like to think about everything, the conversation I just had with someone, it's really quite amazing what hidden messages are within everything that was never intended to be there. If you are very logical and use good general knowledge, you can figure out almost anything, you can figure out someones personality just at a glance, at a paragraph they wrote. THAT'S RIGHT, this is how psychics seem psychic, they don't read minds, they are just smart people being smart.

Annywyaayy I don't know how that ramble started but lets continue, I actually cracked my notebook screen last week, I was quite a sad panda, but I have stayed strong and will just continue to use the piece of shit cracked screen that is leaking black fluid throughout the rest of the screen. Its like my screen is being corrupted by an evil spirit, maybe I should take it to a priest to be cleansed. Ok ok that was terrible I'm sorry (cough).

Other than that nothing exciting, SWISS CHOCOLATE, my gosh it must be the best thing ever, I love swiss chocoalate, nomnomnom. That was my treat for freaking out in my German oral. I get in the room and I don't even know what came over me, I sitting there trying to do my oral and my hands were shaking terribly. I wasn't really concerned for my grade either, and my marker has to be the sweetest woman on the face of this earth, I want her, I shall claim her as my pet human. Second to my Gummibär of course, my Gummibär is irreplaceable :)

I think that's it for today, girls are crazy and stuff, just stuff

Yawn

Its cold tonight... to cold, I think something is going on, maybe Dr Evil is starting his evil ploy to freeze the people of New Zealand, which is strange because today when I had a nap I woke up pretty much choking on the sweat and thick air because it was so hot. Well maybe it isn't Dr Evil after all.

Another things that is disappointing is there are no stars, the sky is clear and the night is pretty calm, and still no stars. Do you know what I would like to see right now? Stars, that's right, I am not sure why I even want to, I have never really been interested in them but tonight I can't have them therefore I want them. I can't even see the moon tonight either, so there is no moon to comfort me on this lonely night.

Speaking of lonely activities, I went and played some tennis by myself yesterday, and now half of my body is aching, which is strange because I was barely able to hit the ball after 2 years of not playing, so somehow missing the ball has given me sore muscles. Well to be honest I didn't miss all of it, just missed it too much. Damn you tennis.

Hmm, I have started drinking sparkling water now, it is wonderful. I mean how could it be worse, it's like standard water, but sparkling :O so pretty. Ok really though how it all started was I bought some water from the supermarket because the tap water here tastes like shit, so I am just buying some water on a normal day and when I get home what do I find. It is sparkling, so I have 3 litres of this sparkling water which tastes worse than the tap water, but i have already paid for it so I may as well drink it. So I tough it out and drink all the sparkling water, and turns out by the end I didn't mind it, in fact its actually quite nice. last benefit is its popular in Germany, oooohh yeah Germany here I come.

Since I have nothing else to say I shall end there, I have other important matters related to Dr Evil anyway :O

P.S Ich bin ein Gummibär und ich liebe mein Gummibär

Randomness

Its been a while since i last posted, and i really don't have too much to write about, so i thought i would just write about the randomest thing and see where it went. So if i was to stare at a coloured wall for days would i learn more than someone that was staring at a different coloured wall, would i go crazier sooner or later than that person, because im pretty sure sooner or later you would go crazy just staring at a damn wall. Yes that is quite random but im just a strange person with a strange soul.

Anyway, after some quick research i have learnt that blue is one of the most popular colours, i would like to just say that this is not right. Green is the best colour in the world and if you want to challenge me then i shall fight you.. ok not really but green is my love, my little baby colour. So, back to blue, while blue is one of the favourites its actually one of the least appetising, while green, red and brown are the most appetising colours. hmm yes interesting. I guess thats my fun fact for the day... you may thank me later.

Sooo what have i been doing, welll i had to go and talk to the representatives from the companies that i am applying for internships for, and it was crazy, it was like a second self took over, in fact when i look back on it i was strangely confident. Now thats just not really me for those of you who dont know me, im actuallly quite shy but man i was quite awesome that night. Not like full potential awesome, but still i was quite cool yo. The next step after my strange encounter is speed interviews, yes its weird and its going to be scary, im going to die but the good news is that its 2 weeks away. That means i have 2 weeks to procrastinate! i <3 procrastination

On a final note diablo 3 beta this week!!!!!! The game looks like sex in a video game, i seriously will just melt if i get a beta key, but that is unlikely. My tip is if you aim low you will never underachieve but could overachieve, if you aim high you will probably fail a lot and then get demoralised and then do worse than what you would have if you aimed low. When i say aim low i dont mean not try your best either, obviously you always want to push it to the limit, but if you dont expect anything then you will enjoy rewards that are waiting for you around the corner. schleep time, good night, sorry again for terrible grammar/english i dont check it :D oh and emii ist süßer

??

Wer ist am süßten?

Emii ist am süßten!

urhguhugrh

So im plagued with sickness and tooth ache, but life is good, because i dont have to go to university. So anyway i have the sorest throat and tooth ache as i said, i really need to go the dentist but im sooo mega lazy and in a way im a bit worried about what they are going to say. YOU NEED 10 FILLINGS, IT WILL BE 1000000000000000 DOLLARS. Yes the dentists are the biggest rip off damn you teeth, why cant teeth be made out of some indestructible material, then i would be able to eat anything, it would be awesome.

Not really related, but it made me giggle

Anyhoo other than that life is good my last assignment was due in yesterday so now im free. Free to sleep, eat, and just be a lazy nerd in general. The probably is, the good life has an expiry date, and that date is 2 weeks away, and when the good life expires, i am sent back into the hell which is know as midterm exams... OH JOY, but will i study?... maybe (no) and i should pass.

Oh so i actually dropped maths last week, so i go in to drop out, this course costs like $850 and there is no refund this late into the semester, but so far this calls sucks beyond belief and the organisation is like beyond terrible. The lecturer comes in 10 minutes late everyday, i then sleep through the remaining 40 minutes, the lecture slides are always clustered with spelling and grammatical errors, and every time he sees one he comes out with a story "mm i have been very busy just wrote these 1 hour ago didn't have time to proof read". He even admitted he had never used the tool that he is teaching us to use prior to this course. So we have an unorganized boring lecturer who doesn't know anything and he is trying to teach us some of the hardest and most retarded/useless stuff in the world. so that's why i and many other people have dropped the course... i hate maths.

Ok so im actually dying here of hunger, i went to the kitchen before and there is no instant food, i dont want to cook.. its 4am, i want instant food, i could eat some ice cream but i dont know. do i really want ice cream? i guess i do but the thing is ice cream isnt the best at 4am, its cold and its cold outside, it just is not ice cream weather. So my question is, what is 4am food? Maybe google will know.

This was almost related so i used it

I'm back and i think that was the worst idea in the world, i went to have a look and all it said was things like. Turkey sandwich, <insert delicious food  i don't have here>  but i have concluded ill eat some toast, and maybe some cereal too depending on what we have. Cereal is the awesomest food at all times of the day, true story.

So before i die of starvation im going to roll into the kitchen and make me some foooodddzzzz. tschüss :D

DONE

Ok so its all done, its probably got many bugs and is annoying in some ways but those things take a little while to fix and a bit of testing/playing around with that i cant really be bothered with, anyway i reckon its kinda cool :D now next challenge is trying to get it to work on the blog hmm

Ok finnallyyy got it to work. It shouldnt take too long to load, mine loaded pretty quick on my crappy internet

Moved it because it was causing this page problems, its on its own page now here -
http://moanly.blogspot.com/p/game.html

Game is pretty basic, just kill as many comets as you can, more will spawn every time you clear them, be careful when you spawn because sometimes there are asteroids flying straight at you like insta, might fix this when i can be bothered. also be careful when going through edge of the screen there could be an asteroid waiting for you on the other side :D that goes the same for hanging around the edge. Also especially with the big ones they sit off the edge of the screen for about half a second. and finally sometimes your bullets dont destroy asteroids, sorry in advance, just pretend its a extremely low chance to miss... its a ghost asteroid

UP TIME

i feel i write i a lot of depressing and seriousness stuff, so its time for a fun blog, thats right, a fun blog. I dont know if it will actually be fun but ill try make it fun, fun fun fun. Anyways ill start by saying, as lazy as i say i am, im honestly not that bad, I have good motivation when i dont hate something and i will finish things i know i should/have to finish.

OOOOOOK so lets start this party, so i got my cans of drink today from 1-day which is a website which has daily deals which are like uuuber cheap. anyway i get them and they are from another country or something right? and i open the thing... its the weirdest can i have seen in my life. They have a retardly shaped opening which you dont push you actually pull. Its like everything is reverse, its actually kinda annoying because when i want to down a quick drink i cant because the hole is a retarded shape and as soon as you start trying to drink too quickly your mouth just gets siphoned into it, other then that, it is kinda good that you cant break the pully thing off into the can, and it doesnt seem so damn sharp around the edges. STILL ITS NOT NORMAL AND WE DISCOURAGE ABNORMALITY RAWWRR. (i couldnt find one of those annoying cans and im not taking a picture so you can have a different can).

Other than that i actually bought bottled water like a few days ago, because i felt bad for drinking so much soda and all that, my mum tells me that its bad for me, and pretty much going to kill me (this is infered) she also says that about msg which is in like 80% of all preserved foods now. I dont mind it though MSG makes things taste better, but it does make you thirsty, hmph i dunno. Lets just say msg is bad and i dont care, die happy young iiimooooooo.

Anyway, finally while im on the subject of food, guacamole dip and chips, best thing ever.

OK so i have actually been looking at programming java web applets which are java flash games essentially, turns out they are mega easy to program, sooo you might see some awesomely addicting game up on my blog at some point in the future, when i can be bothered and have time really. I still have to finish programming cluedo which has turned into a fucking nightmare, aaahh problems problems, anyway all that put aside yes. Soon i will try get one up for awesomeness. Im not sure how i would do it but ill figure it out. IT WILL BEEE AWWESOOMMMEEE.

anyway im sneezing and shiz because its getting chilly yo, so i might just head out to a warmer location, being my bed. As it is 4am again, AGAIN.

bro, whats that

Life is what seems to be a very tough and long journey, what has meant to make life easier and better seems to just complicate things. Sometimes the things that make us 'better' than the wild animals make me wonder if they make us better at all. The simpleness of life as a wild animal somewhat appeals to me, to have one sole purpose which is to survive.

Now it feels like we live in a world where the small people stay small and the big people get bigger, where we are everyday pinned on having a degree or education or forever doomed to working at macdonalds, where some people have to work long and tiresome jobs to "survive" but surviving in these days just seems a lot more complicated and a lot more stressful than what that would be of a wild animals life.

That is why i wonder is life really better, sure people live longer and less people die, but is that even a good thing? who wants to live an extra 20 years once they are 60, from then on its just down hill, i would rather die in my sleep as a 60 year old than slowly become a cripple.

Now to be honest my motivation is slowly getting worse and worse for university, especially in classes i dont like, e.g. Discrete Mathematics/formal foundations of programming. The are beyond boring and beyond disorganised, i dont know how ill pass a paper i cant even stay awake for in class, and when im spending $800 on a course i expect the lecturer to come in on time not 10 minutes late every day and i also expect assignments to be out when they are said to be out, the course website to be out when the course starts. Really putting it down on paper shows how terrible it is.

Its to the point where i spend my time at home looking for things to do, where study is not even an option because i would rather stick my hands with knives than submit myself to that mental torture. I am all good for learning, and im good at it too, but i dont see why i have to sit down and read a book to do it, infact i generally dont see how sitting down and reading a book is going to help at all when in reality, when you go to get a job you ditch all the book bullshit you learnt and they teach you everything you need to know for the job anyway.

I was actually pondering what it would be like if you knew you would die soon, not having to worry about your future or anything beyond your death date, I guess most people would see if as a curse to find your expiry date soon but to me it i think it would bring some sense of peacefulness, nothing to really worry about and living as you please.Though i do somewhat live like that already, i do actually consider my future very often and very seriously.

While its good to ignore your worries and just do whatever makes you feel good at the time, its also very important to know you arent going to condemn yourself to a hell on earth. Its always important to think of all possibilities quickly and know what you can do if everything goes bad. That way when something does go bad you are already a bit ahead on knowing what to do, it not only helps in that regard, but it keeps the anxiety away which further helps you in knowing what to do.

It has happened that i havent thought through what i would do if things went bad a few times and when things did go bad i almost put myself in a spot where i would have screwed myself over for all of eternity, luckily things have seemed to work themselves out and im now in what would seem to be a good spot, though it doesnt feel like it. Plagued by boredom and university work that i am really not enjoying at the moment, i wonder if it is a good spot. My only hope is to try and power through it the best i can hoping to find a job that i will maybe enjoy. Regardless thinking of ways out of bad situations is always a good thing to do.

I havent wrote in a while so it seems i am writing forever, but i guess ill keep going until i have nothing more to say, i was actually meant to be asleep 1 hour ago as i have to get up for university real early because i live over a 1 hour train ride away and i have a 9am lecture, that is another reason why i miss so much university, 9am starts with no potential gain beyond maybe getting an A- instead of a B. Really those grades all seem the same to me, C,B,A at the end of they day if you have a charming personality you will be better than someone who gets straight A+.

Fortunately i have found i normally have a charming personality, and its something i have really learnt over a long period of time and its all really just being flexible, being able to be a different person with different people, being the person that they like not who you want to be because if someone likes you better then it will be a lot easier for you. The best way to tell this is with body language and reactions i have found, treading carefully at first until you get comfortable with what they want and expect and they get more comfortable around you, then you can afford some higher risk-higher gain things and afford to step out of their lines a bit. its something i have found very useful, I guess it all comes down to being manipulative which as immoral as it is, it is a good skill to have and to use.

I think i am finally out of things to say and should really go to sleep so i will ditch now...

Superstitions

Superstitions in my opinion are all psychological, that and because of the nature of your beliefs, most the time people dont dare to explore possibilities therefore making it instantly supernatural. Closed mindedness is probably one of the worst things to have, and its important to weigh the evidence before making a final conclusion, which is what seems a lot of people lack, and yet its such an important skill to moving forward in life.

Furthermore the brain is a truely mysterious and convincing thing, it will make you believe and see anything you want it too, and it is important to know how to make sure you brain is acting logically and always thinking logically. Almost always the logical solution is the best solution except in moral situations where sometimes morality is important also, but normally, i believe that logical answers are better than moral answers.

Anyway, i feel a story coming on. There was a man and another man, for stories sake lets say, John and Movi (dont ask). Annyywaayy, Movi was over at johns house when he saw the lamp shade shaking, he instantly assumed it was a ghost and made the conclusion that there was a ghost in the house, John disagreed as he knew it was just the hot air currents from the heater bellow, Movi instantly accused him of being closed minded because he was not willing to accept that it was actually a ghost. But actually it was Movi who was the closed minded one because he was not willing to explore further possibilities and jumped to an unreasonable conclusion. (this story was completely stolen... i confess. i just like it). SOO to make it clearer, seek evidence nomnomnom.

NOM OUT :D

Urgh

Im hungry, i was meant to bring food to uni but i forgot. Yes its a sad day, very sad... i could go buy food, but turns out my university is on a giant hill that im not keen on walking back up. So now im conflicted on whether i should fight my hunger or go and buy some food. The creepy chick stroking the creepy guys hair outside my computer lab is kinda pushing me towards leaving the room of nerds. Seriously its very weird, i guess i cant really talk being a weird nerd myself but atleast i dont stroke long haired ginger men in public.

What makes the course i do worse is the nerds that talk about the most retarded shit you have heard in your life, my school magazine has this pretty funny section where a guy gets together overheard things said by retards and puts them in. Im pretty sure 50% of those are Software Engineering and Computer Science students, its things like talking about their dreams of being a jedi warrior and how awesome it would be to have a light sabre fight on a over bridge, There was this one statement from someone in my german class on there "Is Africa a continent?" sometimes i wonder how these people get into uni. Although it doesnt suprise me considering they give university entrance to maori students by default. Sweet as.

Anyway i guess thats it for that rant. On the other hand it was a freezing day today and the train company decided to come to the train station late, so i froze to death and then it got stuck for 15 minutes, which made me like 10 minutes late, I was not happy >:( angry face.

Sooo since my stomach is turning inside and this chick and ginger man is getting really freaky i better get going.

nomnomnomnom

Everything Sucks

I have found i haven't written about how life sucks or anything depressing for a while, so i think its long overdue. Life sucks full stop. Everytime i hear someone trying to tell me why life doesn't suck, it just makes me realise even more why life sucks.

I am back into the phase of, Life is boring, and mmaann its boring. I am constantly finding myself looking for something to do but never finding anything to do, i kept myself distracted for a bit with a little programming project, but now that that's died down there is nothing to do again, but yet, even though i cant find anything i cant find the time to do study and uni work. How this works i dont know... I can somehow burn hours on the computer merely opening and closing windows on the desktop and clicking randomly on facebook.

Yes my life has amounted to desktop staring and facebook clicks, that along with sleep and eat is all i really got. I guess now with university i have to haul my sorry ass onto the train and to university but university sucks equally as much as desktop staring.

Sooo, what makes life so wonderful and beautiful. The answers you will hear will be, Love, Family, Friends and Jobs etc etc, but what about all those things makes life so great, and if those are the things that bring happiness then why isn't the population and community happier.

Now I dont know if you could ever define what a good life is, because either, its different for different people, or maybe there isnt a such thing. It seems to me i am least bored with life when i am somewhat distracted by something. When i have a drive to achieve something or to a achieve a goal, maybe even having a passion towards something (which is something i dont entirely have). But as i see it, all these things are just a distraction from how life sucks.

 

 

Poor Earth is sad because he doesn't bring joy

In the end, we are born into a world, where we spend most of our life trying to become a person through education, into getting a job, so we can get money to achieve some greater goal. But most of the time in our life is spent trying to get somewhere to the point it seems, we spend our life trying to build a future only to have it cut short. (by death or some other means)

I guess what i'm trying to say in short is that, we live, go through education, get a job and work, potentially have a family and a house, then die. unfortunately, unless you inherit a large amount of money or something similar the average person has to live this life so i guess for now, I have to deal with it. I would like to finish on the fact that sure, someone's life may suck and be boring, but that doesn't mean ones life is unhappy. So... i guess it could be much worse :D

Everything and Anything

So back to university on tuesday, my exam marks were good considering the study i put out and im happy with them. Now i need to see what i can do for this overseas exchange, still need to write two essays for it and try and get a hold of the person in germany, who apparently (as i was warned) doesnt reply to emails. So I dont know how im going to sort that one out.

Now im struggling to to think of what to write so its going to be something very random, like death. Death is a hard part of life that people tend to ignore until its on your doorstep, its a tough thing to confront but there is nothing worse then having it spring on you and all of a sudden you are left lost and confused. Death happens every day all across the world to multiple people and is an important part of life.

There isnt much to really say about it other than the fact you should always be prepared for it no matter what, that means acknowledging  and accepting the fact that it could be right around the corner for anyone and its especially around the corner for old and sick people. I had a friend who was diagnosed with a flu or something by a retard doctor, turns out she had bronchitis and died. Its alright to be sad at first, but its not alright to be cut about it forever, I personally think the best way to deal with death is to be ready for it before it happens. I actually believe thats the case with almost everything in life, if you are mentally and/or physically prepared for it, its likely there wont be a problem.

Its also important to make sure although to acknowledge and think about death, you dont let it bring you down (through fears etc), thinking about death can provoke fear and anxiety which are natural feelings that are hard to get rid of, i dont actually think there is a dead set way to get rid of them, its most likely different for different people but if you can figure it how it works best for you, then you will find life easier through the hard times. I find for myself its good to have some time to myself and relax, or maybe even question myself, try and reason my way out of it, which sometimes works but thats just me.

ANNNYYWAAY its like 5am so i better head out cheaaa.

ooh i dunno

So I fully came across a saying which i was like yes and nodded my head, the saying/quote being

Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself
- George Bernard Shaw

Now not so much what life is about, because i dont believe anyone can make the conclusion for that, but moreso the fact you can create and shape who you are as much as you want. If you want to be a different person you can be, if you want to be a lazy musician then you can, the brain is a dark and mysterious thing, even now we know little about it. But i do know that it is very adaptable and nearly anyone has the ability to do anything and become good at anything.

le lazy

I highly believe people can change, I personally am a crazy and i am crazy because i want to be, if i want to be something else then i just change it. Another example seems unrelated but its a similar thing, I dont like onions, i hate them. But i garuntee i could teach myself to love onions, to the point where i would eat them raw. The sky is the limit really and when it comes to changing someone you want to change, with good will power and discipline nearly anything is possible.

People seem to think that they have to find what kind of person they are etc etc, but what i say is make yourself the person you want to be and always know you can change that, I am really talking about a whole lot of nothing at the moment so ill stop, but i guess what im trying to say is if you find yourself wanting to be something else, then do it. There is nothing standing in your way normally and if there is then maybe secretly its not what you want. On the other hand knowing what you want is something that is very hard to figure out, something I myself dont know

nomnomnom

Life likes lies

I will start by saying, I like lies and so does life, I don't mean i like being lied to about important information that would otherwise improve my life, i mean i like white lies. If it doesn't matter if i know the truth and it improves someone's life by making them feel more comfortable then go ahead.

What i like to think is, there is no point telling the truth if it is of no benefit to anyone and especially if there is no benefit to you. Its like people seem to think the world would be a better place without lies, while this is true with some lies i garuntee the world would not be a better place without lies.

Since i have run out of things for lies i will talk about something else that annoys me, and its people that add random comments of no substance to a conversation or argument. I do it, everyone does it when they get mad im pretty sure, but it still annoys me, so next time you think about spitting out an offensive comment when there is no point. (e.g. it wont make you or that person feel better, then dont say it) And kinda related to that, dont get offended about things that are true, its just retarded.

PEACE OUT HOMIES

Y U NO BE HAPPY?

OOOK SOOO i was just cruising around facebook stalking like a champ and i came across a post on the questions section about abortion, and that she her husband is pushing for an abortion but she doesnt know. I knew once i read that it would be 1/2 "YOU CANT DO THAT THAT'S MMURRRDDDEERRRR". These are the exact same people that will be like, "he is an asshole if he is pressuring you" followed by "you have to abort otherwise you are a bad person". See my point? yeah yeah, and dont try and say they dont say that because i actually read some answers that had those 2 points in the same post.

People need to learn to back off their feelings and beliefs, some people grasp onto them as if its life or death, another example is when i am cruising across youtube music and i see people raging over someone talking smack about an artist. Like they are genuinely mad, i am 80% sure that most of these people would murder me for saying something like, "Eminem is a twat", if they could murder me without consequence they would, and why?

I have said this before a few times i think but putting these strong beliefs on yourself with only make you close minded, now there are multiple consequences to this, getting upset over nothing, getting angry over nothing, just really experiencing extreme emotions when you could be not feeling them. Its fine to have these beliefs but dont lean on them like they are life or death because they will only bring you down.

I fine myself repeating this but to be the best you can be you have to open your mind and be willing to accept other peoples beliefs no matter what it is, it doesn't matter if they are pro-abortion or anti-abortion, it doesn't matter if they are <name religion here>, no matter what you are and they are you should be able to hear what they say openly, and also at the same time not push beliefs of your own onto people. Looking down on someone as if they are a bad person because they aborted is not the right thing to do.

Which brings me back to why i actually posted this in the first place. The replies to this question really did annoy me, when someone comes to you with a serious life decision DO NOT force them into a decision with guilt and manipulation. I know it seems ironic coming from me as i use guilt and manipulation as tools all the time but i would never use them in a way that might influence the rest of someone's life in a negative way. When someone comes to you with a question, feel free to say you beliefs, but don't say "You can't abort that baby has a beating heart.". Sure you may believe it does, but that doesnt mean she should have to, when someone comes to you for help, help them, don't make things more difficult with external pressures.

A better reply would be "Abortion can sometimes be harder then you might think, you should sit down with your husband and have a honest talk with him about the options and what you should do, dont feel pressured by him whatsoever but remember that it will be his child too and ultimately what he wants is important too". I'm sure there is better advice then that, I'm no advice god and even if I am anti-abortion i will not hold my morals so close to my heart that when someone has an abortion i get genuinely offended (e.g. ahhh my god he called adele fat! MY EYYES ARE BLEEDING. closing e.g.) Its a waste of my time and energy. 

Anyway from now on most of my pictures are going to be hand drawn because i have found that the ones on the internet SUCCKK. and... i am aware my picture are legendary. 

Stresss

So i am going through exams and it can be a stressful time, especially considering my laziness i tend to be quite unprepared for exams and there are a few things that i do to manage it.

First of all it is going to be stressful, learning to handle the stress and overcome it being able to still perform at your best is not an easy task to say the least. The worst possible thing you can do is be sitting outside the exam room, chest pounding, hands shaking and feeling light headed. You will get into that exam room and instantly blank out, forgetting everything you do know.

There are a few things i do, a few things to try and remember what i crammed and learnt and staying calm and complacent during the exam. I think the most important thing in every situation in life not just exams is if you find yourself stressed of extremely anxious take some time off, find some music that calms you, something to can relax to and 10 minutes before you go into that exam sit back and put it on. Sitting outside the exam room, hands shaking and freaking out whilst trying to cram in more information wont help at all, it will just make it worse.

Now I dont think this just applies to exams either, if you find yourself stressed in life or anxious about something, there are a few things you can and should do to help ease those feelings, first of all the best thing i think you can do is take some time off, sit back and relax, listen to music, read a book, watch your favourite movie, whatever it doesnt matter but pounding yourself into the ground isnt going to help you in the long run. I personally like to just sit back listen to music and play games, when i find myself worried about something that i cant do anything about ill thats what ill do, close my door and have some me time.

Sometimes its obviously not best to ignore it, it might even be better to try and clear it up. What i have to say about that is never be afraid to do what it is you have to do no matter who you have to step over. Keeping yourself happy is more important then keeping other people happy. (In some cases keeping other people happy will keep you happy but i obviously dont mean those people.)

SO just dont forget to step back and take some time off every once and a while, if you find yourself getting run down take a break, being too busy is generally not a good excuse. Being relaxed and feeling better will generally get you getting things done quicker and at a high quality anyway.

NERVOUSNESSESE

Oh man im getting nervous, i have an exam in a few hours and i dont think im entirely ready for it, i was looking at some of the previous exams and they were HARD. now im not nervous as in shaking everywhere, i just hve butterflies and a slightly heavy chest. I should be a lot more nervous right now considering i couldnt do the previous years exams but i know that being nervous to any major level will just throw me off and make me do worse so im trying my best to keep my composure.

I know i will most likely do fine and if i don't life will go on, it always works itself out and i know it will, ANNNYYWAAYYY to get my mind off of that the weather today is nice, i woke up this morning and it was pissing down, i was really not looking forward to going to uni in the rain, BUTT turns out its beautiful and sunny now and yet still im sitting in my room with all the curtains closed and the lights on, i really hate the earth. BURNNN MORE POWER

so after zoning out for like 5 minutes then, and thinking about the most randomest things on earth i will talk about one of those things, (i feel the other things are not suitable for releasing in public). Girls. HMM YES GIRLS, they are wonderful creatures, generally better then guys in most ways, most of the time. Now when im chatting to someone i dont know and they are nice and/or sweet and/or not a total jackass, if i guess they are a girl, there is 90% chance im right. Now you may say, Jeffrey you made that 90% up, and i would say, yes... yes i did. But regardless i am close enough and i dont care what anyone says girls are better then boys.

Yes i am being a traitor by saying that but on that point i am not joining the other side, no thank you. i will stay on  the boys side and watch them drive themselves into the earth. While my brain was thinking about all this, i came up with the question, why are indians so creepy (normally there are normal indians too), now i am not sure so i went to my fellow google. Now google didnt appear to share the same views, which upset me, i dont like google anymore. This means i have to make up a conclusion

So my conclusion is that its because girls are so awesome that it just drives them into a mental state known as the "creepy" state, now these people arent creepy at heart, but due to the effect of some girls, it drives them into a craze causing them to portray creepiness. So the conclusion of my conclusion is ITS THE GIRLS FAULT AARHH.

To finish up i havent said a bunch of things i believe anyway, i believe mostly all girls are perfect in one way or another, for every girl there is almost something that will make you fall in love with her and that is something i think a lot of guys dont have, some are just straight douchebags (some girls are too) i just feel that girls are mostly all AWESOMME and in generally i enjoy talking to girls more then guys. So YEAAHH go team girls, just make sure you know that you are all perfect in one way or another ;) i feel so cheesy saying that and deleted it like 3 times but what the heck, it can stay

Religion.........................................

Ok so i am constantly getting packs of fiery fists shot at me over religion with my mum being heavily religious, the last i heard the Christchurch earthquakes are happening because there are naked pictures of christ on a church wall and this is proven because a statue of mary turned around in an earth quake.
(Note: im not saying this isnt true, what im saying is that noone has any sort of evidence to prove this is the case therefore we cannot conclude that its true)

It feels like they are now looking for any reason to justify their beliefs and its frustrating. You should never make conclusions based off made up evidence. I asked her if she believed they wouldn't stop until the pictures are taken down, so i asked her and what if the earthquakes stop before. Does that mean you were wrong and all this was a hoax? No thats isnt what it means apparently. Perfect example of close mindedness, once an idea is in your head its not coming out and its a terrible practice to be in, it discourages creative thinking and willingness to take in more correct facts.

Additionally i am expected to believe news articles and stories written from unknowns (though it doesn't actually matter who it was written by) as miraculous events, when they are completely unrealistic and irrational, have no real proof and in a world full of liars and crazy people how am i expected to believe such an extreme idea. On top of all this the fact that they will instantly shut down any idea that is outside the scope of their religion, again close mindedness.

Sure religion brings some moral values but these moral values only exist within moral people anyway (e.g. they are already moral) you see religious people all the time acting immorally and it seems like only the moral religious people act morally, just like only the moral non-religious people act morally (and i wouldn't say there are that many less either). Now i have nothing against religion, if you are comforted by the idea that there is some supernatural being/beings of some sort and you believe that then good for you. But just think about things, e.g. there is a chance a statue will turn around in a church, there could have been many other factors, maybe the statue was secured in a way that it could only twist when there was an earthquake? i could go through possible scenarios all day and noone would have any facts to counter a lot of my scenarios. So my point is, dont believe anything without supporting evidence.

 Its ok to ask why, infact you should ask why, if you want to be the best you can be and the most intelligent you can be then i would encourage you to ask why to everything. If you dont want become a better person (not saying that you should or have to, it's perfectly fine and reasonable if you dont want to, and when i say better i dont always mean kinder or more noble, could be smarter etc etc) then feel free to sit how you are, but if you want to improve your life as it is now open your mind and start learning from everything, learn why and you will learn more and remember more i garuntee.

Ok now that I finally got that out of the way ill take a break, ill go punch a wall or something

why, why, why

soooooo i am keeping myself busier then usual, i have changed my title from 'bum' to 'game programmer' that's right i have been programming a game with a friend of mine and it is kinda good i guess, i am getting better at python which is the programming language i am using which is also an language i have an exam in in a few weeks. On the other hand im not studying for exams that are coming sooner and that are worth more.

THE GAME CHEA

But being myself i don't really care, so whats most likely to happen is i will avoid doing it until sunday and then on sunday night ill freak out and  cram the study, then get at least a B+ in the exam. i know the first question is how do i do it, i don't know. i really don't know. The brain is a mysterious thing, and mine happens to be a sponge.... sometimes.

Anyway i was totally talking to some people i hate but i have to be nice to them for a few reasons and just makes me think about how important communication skills are, it doesn't matter how good you do at university or how smart you are if you aren't a likable person. The problem about this is its something people can't generally be taught.

I think the first thing to remember is sometimes you have to be nice to someone even though you want to break their neck. You should never act poorly towards someone if it would benefit you to treat them with respect. A perfect example was when i got my restricted and the asshole of a driving tester failed me for the most retarded reason, i knew it was no point arguing with him. What my sister said was that i she would have called him a cunt etc etc, but what i said was there was no real point because if i got him in my resit he will just hate me and fail me again. Its much better to sit there bend over and cop it, because the next time they happen to come across you they will like you better. the funny thing is that i resat my drivers test 30 mins later and he let me skip a majority of the test because i had already done it and because i was respectful.

He is dramatically thinking about Communication and its importance
The woman behind is inspired by his awesomeness

Acting kindly towards someone and being likable will always get you far, much further then any other skill would and its something that you really just have to get good at yourself. By all means you can act like a dick sometimes but just tread very carefully when you do. I mean i do it all the time and i shouldn't, it achieves nothing other then potentially screwing yourself over.

So really what i'm saying is be kind when you want to knock someone out, and more importantly learn how to communicate with all kinds of people, there are a few ways you can get people to like you that are quite immoral etc etc and use them, rationaliy > morality generally to a level of course. If you have to kill someone to benefit obviously that level of morality is rationality < morality. Trivial example but it portrays the point. anyhooo im done.

PEACE OUT

NOMNOMNOM

Thats right, nomnomnom. Cornchips, donuts and all thats stuff that makes you fat because im too lazy to cook. I actually put some sausages under the grill to cook and go back to my room then like 1 hour later i hear the smoke alarm going off and freak out. So i bolt downstairs and bang it smells like..... burnt sausages. Yes i know it seems unrealistic but its true, I then got out my charcoaled sausages and cut them open and ate the inside. It was cooked perfectly.. So I guess it didn't all turn out bad.

On the note of not turning out bad, I had to design and make a robot for my engineering class, it wasnt too hard of a task and already had the parts it was just all in pieces in a box. So its thursday right and it is competing in the afternoon, and im like shit i need to build this robot, so I grab the Popsicle sticks, pipe cleaners and hot glue and smack all that shit together. Now this robot is meant to be able to follow a line through a slalom and solve a maze but it cant, it has 1 mode... go. So anyway we happen to be competing against noone because the other group didnt haven their robot. So we made it through to the finals with our morning made piece of crap robot.

Alright we are in the finals and i get put in the maze first, so i put it down and it drives into the wall, now everyone in the room was literally standing around the maze because it looked the most exciting, and what do i do, drive my bot into a wall.CHEEAAAA thats right, anyway i carry on and do all the challenges and guess what, the robot is somehow 4th equal, coming 2nd in 3 catagories, Aesthetics (don't know how to me it looks like shit, but kids judged it and it was colourful), recyclibility  and the weight lift. Then the pizza comes and it was all like vegetarian crap, I WANT MEAT. anyway next was the drag and the robot seemed to be driving straight, and anyway i put it down and it like starts turning and drives off the track, luckily the robot that was 4th equal happened to just like completely fail and we stayed 4th.

So i will get good marks for my piece of crap morning made robot and some of these other teams who have spent 4 weeks making and designing will get less, THATS RIGHT SUCK IT.

Anyway it being exam time I need to find some motivation somewhere to study, now I may have found a semi way to get some study in though its not ideal but i have been talking to some friends about designing a game, now i think if i spent some of that time on the game practicing the parts of programming in my degree that should help out with the coding papers, and it leaves me with a more enjoyable way to study.

As for the other papers ill have to lock myself in a room with no internet and rock it old school, pen and paper like. BUT knowing me ill probably end up doing nothing and just winging it, computers are easy yo. And seriously 4.30am i think its time for a nap, tomorrow is a big day, lots of nothing. exciting... LIVING THE EXCITING LIFE HERE. pewpew nomnomnom

Creal and Human Sacrifice... MMMMM

I find it hard to write when im dead bored and really am not in the mood to turn on the brain but i have decided to force myself, just to be a mad dog. that doesnt make any sense whatsoever but I will so just pretend it does make sense. Anyway i just totally lost my thought path. I was trying to get a extension for my browser that fixed grammar for me because im mega lazy. but it wasnt working and was just making me mad so i deleted it, IM PROUD OF MY GRAMMAR MISTAKES YEAAAH.

So cereal as a midnight snack, best... snack... ever... i went there, dont be hating because you know cereal is the snack of the gods. like if i was god and had cereal in my cupboard i would go and eat it as a snack. yeah i think you get the point. snaaackk.

on a side note i was going to buy pizza for dinner yes thats right pizza but it was like $17 for a crappy fatty pizza, i mean who pays that kind of money, its absurd, back in my day they were only $6. I can finally say that, back in my day, back in my day we used cassettes not DVDs, back in my day we danced around fires and sacrificed humans to the ottolord. well... maybe not that, aber ich habe eine Frage. what is the ottolord? and why must you sacrifice humans?

I am glad you asked, well the ottolord was a once powerful warrior, know to man as a god, it was said that he was immortal. to roam the earth for all eternity, that he alone had the power to move mountains and evaporate lakes or oceans, whatever impresses your more. anyway there was a devious young man called yotti, yotti was the trickster of the world and was out to trick the ottolord into giving yotti the power that the ottolord possesses. So yotti planned a trap, he created and placed a device (yotti was also very clever) that would steal his power when the ottolord went to move the mountain into his lair. Ottolord realised instantly because of his wit, and at that moment he knew he was too powerful to be roaming with man, so he destroyed himself to go to the 11th dimension. So now man sacrificing unworth humans in the hopes that the ottolord will respect their sacrifice and return to the earth.

So instead of doing uni work, im writing random crap. welcome to the life of Jeff :D

Fears

Fears are a daunting things, i at the moment am going through doubt etc etc. So I am planning on going to an exchange to a german university next year in the october semester and really am doubting if my german will be good enough. If I will get home sick, 6 months is a long time in another country. I have been waiting all this time to get away and try something like this so i will go for it if im 95% sure. Which at the moment i am but really i guess its a matter of just getting more information on the fact.

I will be doing a 10 week course prior to the semester which is meant to prepare you for it, but im not 100% sure what the deal is with it, it says that it prepares you for the semester, but its has no prerequisites and seems like 10 weeks is an awfully quick amount of time to teach someone fluent German. even if it is 22 hours a week. I guess thats something i should find out. Another option is that i go to England but heh im not really so keen on that. Germany is just awesome and i would love to go there more then anywhere. I think if i was not to go I would try again for fourth year.

So fears and anxiety i guess, how do i deal with it. I am a strong believer in just ignoring it most the time and instead of listening to your feelings listen to your brain. Going into something unknown or somewhat shady will always make you feel out of your comfort zone but thats how it is sometimes and if you let your fears and feelings control you then you will be stuck in a ball your whole life never able to escape. That to me is much scarier then taking a step out into the unknown.

I garuntee that if i went and all went well, it would be the most amazing experience of my life. That alone is enough to make me want to go except for under dire circumstances (like my german not being good enough to do the courses i guess or my leg being chopped off and the plane company discriminates against 1 legged people) . Not only would it be germany for 6 months but it would also be Italy, France, Austria and Switzerland if those are the countries i decide on at the time, thats just now and those are very flexible.

You should always keep in the back of your mind with things that circumstances change. Things can get better or worse at any moment, your aspirations and dreams can change at any moment. This is one of those things that helps you get through the tough situations in life, just being prepared mentally for the worst and when it comes if it does (hopefully it doesnt) it wont stab you in the back and you would have already spent some thought on it. So hopefully you will have a better plan then it catching you be suprise and your brain locking up from all the fears and anxieties that some with a crisis...

Thats it for now, i think i went a bit off topic a fews times and it was only meant to be a short post but hey i think its alright

Irrationality

Everyone should strive to be a rational person, the problem is most humans are irrational and it can be frustrating. I will start by saying every human is somewhat irrational because not only do we want to strive to be rational but we should also try and be somewhat moral two, these two ideas are somewhat conflicting so its good to find the balance.

The first thing i want to point out to taking steps towards the goal is dont disregard any knowledge without first seeing its evidence. If it is a conflicting idea to what you have but has more evidence then maybe its time to reasses your beliefs. You should almost never dispose of information because its conflicting to your ideas, from my point of view all information is good information. the more you know better the person you can be.

Secondly and this not only helps you become more rational but also sometimes even more moral but always try look at the mistakes you have made, the irrational actions and analyse why it truely went wrong. Naturally your brain is going to try rationalise it to be rational, you want to avoid this. Step in and use your brain yourself. By doing this not only are you helping your brain by acting more rationally, it encourages active thinking which is always helpful. You will find yourself becoming less annoyed, angry and sad. The reason this is is because when your subconscious rationalises it you will actually change your memory of the situation and how it happened (i have forgotten the term but this was in a study) if you step in before this happens and look truely at what went wrong and why, you will block out any feelings of anger towards this mistake which in your eyes isnt happening but you are just having a shit time. If you can step in and stop this and find the mistake, you can start making steps towards fixing it.Which leads me to my final point of these points, fixing problems and flaws within your personality will in general just make you a more likeable person.

To extend on that point i would like to say you can train your brain to do anything, and i mean nearlly everything physically possible by a human. There was a man i forget his name but it isnt important to the example, anyway he never excelled at maths at school and was always getting semi-mediocre marks across the board. Once he set out to become good at maths he became recognised as one of the greatest mathematical minds. This is just an extrondinary example of the capibilties of the human brain and that nothing about yourself is set in stone.

People say you cant change, i not only say you can but i say you do. As life goes on links in your brain strengthen and weaken changing characteristics in yourself and changing the way you act and what you are good at.

I guess what i want to say is if there is something that needs changing just change it, its easy to say but it is really hard to do. Although through good mental practice you can effectively change anything you want in yourself (anything mentally ofcourse, if you are ugly then your brain cant help sorry).

Now these are just a few points but very large ones, just start by recognising when you make the mistake at the time, correct yourself. keep doing this. Its a little bit like preparing for an exam and wiping out bad habits you have in the subject. practice an exam, and go through it checking your answers. be hard and critical on yourself, punish yourself for making mistake and be sure to keep on trying to recognise where you are doing those dreaded mistakes. Once you got this it gets much easier to fix flaws you might not like in yourself.

You control your brain, you have the key. Use it and take control, become more of an active thinker and you will find yourself learning more, becoming a better person, making better life choices and in general helping yourself more then you would if you let your brain run on autopilot.

Not many pretty picture today its late and im tired, not a smidge of proof reading either

Lonely Studiless Nights

SOOOOOOOOOO I got a haircut yesterday, and I am still contemplating whether it was a good idea or not given i have to go to a wedding on saturday. Here ill be scarred into history with this haircut, which could potentially look better? I dont know.... all i do know is that i like apple crumble... yes, i ate apple crumble and that shit was good.

Lately i have been finding it hard to motivate myself to do uni work, its like when you stop doing it 2 hours is gone. OMG my phone is like screwing up so every day or so i wake up 3 hours late for uni and see my phone having an epileptic seizure on my bed. DAMN PHONE wake me up... that with demotivation is bad. Soo i have been considering a fixed schedule to follow with study hours and all that, but is that really the answer. For starters that never works, its always, yeah ill do it in 30 mins, and that turns into tomorrow. So i guess the question is how do you get motivation for something that is dull.

Reminded me of university

I hear the reasoning, you have to do things you dont want to do sometimes, which i think is flawed logic, because if you are doing something you dont want to do you are doing it because you want to achieve something therefore you want to do it because you want to achieve that something. Confused? yes me too lets give myself an example. I need to go to the shops to buy food but im too lazy. If i dont i will starve. I dont want to starve. So i go and buy the food. My motivation was, i dont want to starve, therefore i wanted to do it. Now if only i could apply that to university as, i dont want to fail which seems like the only possible motivation. The problem is at the moment, I dont care...

So whats the first step, making myself care? maybe not, is there another way to motivate yourself to study, maybe turn it into a game, like strip poker, get together with a bunch of friends and play, strip study, eh eh eh. Ok sorry that was a terrible idea, i dont think turning study into a game is the solution either. To be honest i wish i had a robot that locked me in a room with my work until i did enough of it then let me out. That would be an easy solution, but possibly this is a solution i could use. No not the robot... but the isolation. I think isolating yourself is a semi more effective way the telling yourself to do it, how likely are you to sit in an empty room with study materials... until you study... and not study.

Now thats what i was talking about, thats another motivation right there, getting to go do what you want to do given you finish study. If i sit in an isolated room until i finish my work i have another motivation to do it. Now the only problem with that is keeping myself in the room, and the fact 3/4 of my degree is done on the computer/internet, and that alone is something i want to do. hmmm, looks like that isn't a solution either. So... so far, i have wrote a bunch of nothing to get no where.

Looks like for now atleast im out of answers, but i will find it at some point, maybe once i move out ill find some way to keep myself studying, I guess what makes it so hard is being in an enviroment where there is so much to distract you (the internet/ computers).

University Starts

So turns out classes are a waste of time, the classes i do best in are the classes i don't go to... (not counting German but i love German) speaking of Germans, today the hot Germans chick sitting next to me was trying to communicate with me. How did i reply, I sat there saying i dunno... because i don't understand Germans (don't ask how i get A's I was born this way. LUL GETTIT) I just get so nervous around crazy Germans tehehehheeheh.

So I am talking to snow white, and telling her to write a blog, but she says she will look crazy so all the better right? ANYWAY MAKE A BLOG. I KNOW YOU WILL READ THIS AND I PUT IT IN CAPS SO YOU WILL READ IT FIRST. YES I KNOW THIS IS DISTRACTING AND CATCHING YOUR EYE. START ONE GOGO. Ok I'm done with that. I would just like to apologies to anyone who found that annoying i am deeply sorry (mmm).

Hmm yeah, so while we are on the topic of shout-outs. Tim you are a fag (not judging or anything), and E dogg which is your new nickname as of now... for me only, you are awesome, keep being awesome.

So, anyway, today i was in the jungle right and I came across this tiger... it was the largest tiger i had ever seen. The light reflected off its pelt and it peered down at me with a threatening look, I didn't back down because I'm a man, we then (me and the tiger) went on to a battle to the death, it was an epic battle and i managed to wrestle it to the ground. And only after proving my dominance did i let it go (because i am also noble). Now if I was really in a jungle and i really did come across a giant tiger, thats how it would go down...

Hello World

So I havent wrote? written? (those two words always confuse me) in a while, i guess i have been busy trying to be busy procrastinating my study. I have an assignment due tomorrow at 5pm and i have a strange feeling i will sleep until atleast 2, so hopefully i can finish it. I would also like to note my word at the start of the holidays being. i will study and catch up on my german vocab. Of course i havent started that yet either.

The worst part is that even though i dont study i still get good grades, so when i do have to study, i subconsciously dont want to study because i subconsciously think i will get good grades anyway, even though i know that i need to study to get good grades. Kinda confusing i know but i wrote it as it came out :D

Also if i have not motivation to do something i do mind doing how am i going to get the motivation to do the things i dont want to do, oh the issues, its awesome that all i have to write about is about not doing things, maybe i should start doing things and maybe then i wouldnt be as boring slash bored.

Anyway what have i been doing. ummm i went to the shops and bought some chippies and filled up my car so now my mouth tastes like crap because i ate too many chips. so really today, i slept. ate, drunk, and sat on the computer. SUCCESSS :D

someone please force me to do uni work tomorow, i really do want moar As thanks :D anyway time for sleep, rawr

P.S. i couldnt find any pretty pictures so i figured i would draw one. Now it may look amazing i know, but i must say it was a challenge using the laptop touch pad. But i feel i conquered it :)

Me doing my study

Victoria University View

Anger, Sadness, Fear, Anxiety and Depression

Emotions are a pain in the ass most the time, they will bring you down, get in the way of what you want to achieve or something along those lines. But they aren't there to bring us down, in fact they are actually here to lift us up, i think when experiencing these emotions slightly or extremely it helps a lot to understand the true reasons your body is producing those emotions, in general they are there to motivate and uplift you, trying to make you change your life for the better, even help survive through tough times.

Fear is a powerful motivator but it can also bring us down, it is useful in situations where it would prevent us from being reckless but sometimes can get in the way of a goal we want to achieve or something similar. This is one i really struggle with in a lot of things and i guess it is useful to remind you of the dangers but to just consider if the situation is really that threatening. Sometimes its just a fear of being exposed or rejected, which in most cases isn't that threatening and through practice of confronting fears you know you have, it can be easier. Just do it :)

Associated with fear is anxiety. Because it is natural for us to be afraid, it is also natural for us to experience anxiety. Anxiety urges us to act to end, or at least master, the dangers that threaten us. If we were never anxious, there would be little motivation to make changes in our lives. Anxiety is good; however, anxiety can also have a  pretty bad impact on us. Anxiety can overwhelm us to the point where we become confused, immobilised and a number of other things. I think the real solution is to try and control your anxieties and/or deal with them directly, its hard but it is manageable.

Anger is a destructive emotion which is usually caused by the inability to reach a goal, anger encourages impulsive reactions, irrational behavior, poorly thought-out decisions, and, in some instances, an “I quit” attitude, and some more, i don't think its really that helpful. In my opinion there are two main ways to deal with the anger, one is using the anger to try and motivate yourself/ focus your anger into your task if you really have to do it, otherwise to step back walk away and preoccupy yourself somewhere else... before you break it, dont punch your monitor. Turns out they are expensive.

It would be a rare for a person not get to sad, at least momentarily. As sadness deepens, we label the feeling “depression.” Depression is closely linked with frustration and anger. The frustrated person becomes more and more angry as he fails to reach his goals. If the anger does not help the person to succeed, then the frustration level goes even higher. A destructive cycle between anger and frustration continues until the person becomes worn down-physically, emotionally, and/or mentally. When a person reaches this point, he starts to give up, and his focus shifts from “What can I do” to “There is nothing I can do.” Depression is an expression of this hopeless, helpless feeling. There is nothing wrong with being sad as you temporarily think about whatever you feel you are missing (eg. loved ones) Such thoughts, in fact, can give you the desire to try harder. On the other hand, if you allow yourself to become depressed, then it can seriously bring you down, making it extremely hard to get out of sometimes. When you are depressed its good to get out and go against what you are feeling. There is really a lot to say about depression and not enough time. Those are my thoughts anyway :)

Judgmentalism

I am tired and want to sleep so i will probably make this short but every day when walking to and from uni, i see it all the time, i see it at uni and i read it in the uni magazine, and that's people being judgemental.

The main thing i hate is not so much the judging because to be honest sometimes its valid, eg not wanting to hang out with that person because he smokes meth. (which isnt so much being judgemental anyway). but what really annoys me is people thinking they are above someone else because that person that is below them doesnt portray the kind of actions that they themselves would portray. It is arrogant and rude and something that happens much too much in the center of the city or really pretty much anywhere else you go.

Im definately not trying to say is that all man were created equal because that is really not quite true, but what is true is that you arent better then someone because you have some better qualities and you will never have the right to make that conclusion. The only person one can judge is themself and you should judge youself because failing to do so may hinder your ability to become a better person. And becoming a better person is goooood :)

Now I was going to stop there but i read that, "calling other people judgemental makes you no different then them" which.... is true, but what i think its that its not the actual judging that is the bad part but what you do with what you make from the judgements, you will judge things subconsciously every day just because thats how the human mind works. But dont look down on people because they are different. thats all im saying

Question Authority

One thing that i am big on believing is to believe nothing until proven to you, obviously this wont apply to everything eg.

Friend 1: hey Jeff i saw a dog swimming in the river today (figured if i said "friend 1" would seem like i have more then 1 friend)

Me: have you got analytical data to support you statement? >:(

nononon i mean with more serious statements

obviously trivial things dont need to be questioned. I find after going through school, people are getting raised to learn what the teachers tell them, there is no real proof or reasoning behind anything, its just X is true, which is not a very logical stance to take.

Now i have had this argument many a time and it is mainly about religion i guess so i will use that in this example here, now i hold nothing against religious views and if someone worships zues then i will respect that, thats cool. But if someone was to expect me to believe it because of some case it would not be wise to just accept the claims without first questioning the 'authority', why should i believe it? And no because 100 years ago a group of people saw the sun dance does not count. First of all a third person source is normally very unreliable as you never know what someone has missed or edited out of the evidence, another thing people try to say is that because something cannot be explained it is therefore explained (eg. i saw the tv turn on by itself therefore its a supernatural power) all this really tells you is you dont know why the tv turned on itself

Anyway this leads back to the point of questioning authority, now this means if someone or come corporation tells you something without really supporting their statement with evidence its ok to say, why should i believe that, and ask for further evidence and this is something i feel is being neglected to be taught in schools and anywhere else really, children should be encouraged to question authority as they are growing up. It encourages creative thinking, open mindedness (willingness to believe statements that are not what you believe given the evidence presented is sufficient) , critical thinking, and better understanding of their true beliefs (wont believe things because the man in the straw house told me its true)

Obviously its impractical to question everything but its good to question somethings at least a little especially in this world full of liars, crazy people and con men. it would be great if all truth statements presented to us were always true but thats not the case. So yep, thats what i think. I encourage questioning everyone and everything :D

Silence

There is nothing quite like the tranquillity and relaxation of silence. I am not really a city person and i enjoy my quiet nights and weekends when noone is home. The sounds of only nature is truely amazing and soothing and something i dont think i cherish enough :)

I guess its the little things like these in life that make it somewhat bearable after all the routine and boring predictabilities we have to go through. And honestly i see nothing wrong with wanting to sit in a room by yourself listening to music or the silence and chatting on the computer. The is not much else i would rather do that i am capable of doing and i guess thats why im so slack when it comes to doing anything else.

So really, listen to the silence and cherish the small things in life, it's really is uplifting and peaceful. So lets get down to earth and spend some time in silence, its good for the soul :)

grr

Talk to me

Loneliness

I agree that fear and love are the most powerful motivators in this world, and thats why i think the fear of losing someone you love is the worst feeling in the world. There is nothing worse then everything being alright in the world when all of a sudden something goes wrong and that feeling comes, the fear of losing someone you love. At that point I at least will be willing to ignore anything to get rid of that fear, to grasp onto that love as long as i can.

I am not good at losing things that i want either, so when it comes to something that large in my life ill try anything including ignoring mistakes, which is terrible because they always resurface. So thats where i am faced with the problem of Loneliness vs. a shitty relationship (yes i have somehow rolled into relationships).\

Normally, I am ok with loneliness its just the fear of not knowing that comes with the loneliness, I am really the person who needs to know everything, and not knowing if i will or will not find someone better scares me, you never know if the girl that was perfect for you was the girl you just let go and thats another reason why I cant let go of people.

In the end I think there is always someone around the corner to love just as much or more no matter what, someone else that will make you feel the same or better.Anyway I believe you leave the relationship with more experience and come out a better person for that time you meet the one you will spend your life with ;)

So its best to let go, as hard as it is and its definitely something i need to work on.