On a different note, I am wearing my green shirt with a white polar bear wearing sunglasses. yes it is a awesome as it sounds and it wasnt easy to get either, damn shirt sold out so quick. Green is just so greeney yeaaah, only problem with this shirt is its so awesome im bound to come across someone who is wearing it one day. And i bet it will be some sloppy bearded fat guy knowing my luck. I actually saw a weird stranger wearing a shirt i had once, luckily i wasnt wearing the shirt but i still went home and burnt that shirt anyway. Ok i didnt really but i was grateful that god didnt ask me to wear that shirt.
Ok so i have actually moved houses recently. I guess i havent really talked about that yet, i havent talked about a lot but its my big brothers house, its alright, my room is a damn mess though with piles of clothes because my drawers are up at my Dads. My dad keeps saying he will bring them down but does he ever, no, so i have a mess of a room and a 40 inch TV in the back of my car because it wont fit in my room and i cant get a desk because i have no room because of all the clothes. My dad can be so unreliable sometimes and it pisses me off.
I guess one thing i have learnt from my dad is how to tolerate annoying shit, he can be so infuriating sometimes but rather than hating on him for it i guess i just need to accept him for who he is, yes he can be a cunt and he is unreliable but i know he loves me and cares, and he does try. I think what is more important than anything is not the actions themself but instead the intent of the actions.
On top of that my sister is going to have a tough year i think, she is just partying away at the moment and having fun but once she needs a job she is going to have a hard time finding a good one, she spent the last year in hair dressing college and now realised she doesnt want to do it anymore. People are all superficial i guess, that amongst other stuff. I did tell her it was a bad idea to do it but i got called a pretentious cunt because im a uni student i think im smarter apparently. Which i do but its not because im a uni student. The real problem with my sister is she wont listen to anyone and she has a real irrational temper. I can see her just nutting off at her boss because he touched a nerve. She can be real bitchy sometimes and its something she needs to work on, she refuses to listen to dad most the time but she has started listening to me now atleast, so i will hopefully be able to help her out.
I really have a lot to do and no motivation to do any of it, i have a sick feeling in my stomach which i have no idea what is from. Whether it be from the fact uni is starting again and i still havent sorted out my student loan, allowance or accommodation supplement, or if its from some other shity reason, as i started talking about it my whole upper body feels like a million tonnes and my head feels heavy, its a weird feeling really. and i have got it a couple of times in the past few weeks, i guess its my body trying to tell me something all i have to do is figure out the problem.
Anyway i came in planing on speaking about fun and exciting things but ended up writing this :S how depressing, oh well, its way too much writing to erase, i dont know why im so self conscious about my writing. but really im the same with everything, i always feel i am under performing, its terrible really and pretty big confidence killer. My confidence isnt that bad though, or atleast i like to think it isnt, maybe thats why im a cunt sometimes, because bringing people down makes me feel bigger, its quite sad really and its something i have picked up from my dad and something i need to work on.
Well i think thats enough for tonight, its late again, i always write when its late. i guess there is nothing to really distract me
